Raise Your Voice

What went right this November!

2010-11-24T09:45:00.000-08:00

Not sure if many of you heard, but I ran for office this November, as a candidate for Folsom City Council, one of seven. The results? I came in 7/7, the last or least popular vote-getter, with 6.15% of the vote (3216 votes). This post is about the process, the experience and the outcome.

Let me be the first to say that I knew I didn't have much of a chance going in (yes, that's what all of us losers say) - the incumbents are strongly established in Folsom - they've been running the city for a long time now, and Folsom residents are happy with their work. (I'm not going to slam anyone, so if that's what your waiting for, too bad!) Also, my platform, was to bring diversity to Folsom's all white City Council. With a stated minority percentage of the entire population at approx. 15-17%, and if you average a minority voting population of about 50% or half, so about 7-9% and voter turnout about 60% of the vote, the actual (approx.) minority population voting was about 4-6%. So, under the circumstances, I did fairly well with my campaign platform and my core audience.

However, I did not reach out to the majority as well as I did the minority population. So what did I do wrong there? I did not do any door to door campaigning, or "precinct walking" using the correct buzz words. I didn't do any mailings or phone calls either. So what did I do, you may ask? I attended every candidate forum I was invited to, I spent more than half my campaign budget on signs (more than half of which sat in my garage due to an unschooled, first-timer error), and I chickened out at the enormity of the task that I signed up for myself.

Regardless, I thought that this was a phenomenal process, and to be quite unoriginal and cliched, it was a real "eye-opener." I urge every activistic, concerned resident to consider running for local office, to get some of these experiences first-hand.

First, even though this office (City Council) is supposedly non-partisan, which means that no where in the election filing paperwork are you required to list your party affiliation, it is super important to everyone else to find out what your party affiliation is. That was really ironic! It started out with the endorsement process. Somehow, I got all the emails related to endorsements from the Democratic party and that started the ball rolling. The endorsement process was fascinating! It forced me to prepare for future candidate forums and gave me an idea of the Big Divide in our partisan country, where to draw the lines between the reds and the blues, between capitalism and labor unions, between employers and employees, between pro-choice and anti-choice, between heterosexuality and homosexuality (as it related to marriage-equality laws), among others. (Btw, if you are ever confused as to what party affiliation you belong to, whether you are a closet Republican or Democrat, I urge you to find an endorsement questionnaire from both parties and to review your answers for both - you will quickly find out which color codes you must now specify in your campaign materials!).

Second, third, fourth - research, research, research. Immediately after I filed the first part of my nomination papers, which is basically something that says you're interested and that you will follow through with the rest of the required submissions within the next deadline, I got a call from a political consultant, supposedly hired by more than one of "newcomers," although in reality it was just one candidate, and he made a compelling case for me as to why I should not run. It compelled me to run, because I was ticked off that someone would tell me why I shouldn't do something, when it was so obvious that he was employed by someone who had to gain from me dropping out. Regardless, it was a polite conversation and it was interesting as there was a lot of research that he quoted about newcomers diluting the vote and about how we must get the incumbents out.

I was unprepared for the next phase - the candidate forums that various groups host, in order to give the voting public an insight on the candidates that will appear on ballots. Some of these were televised live, some paraphrased in local newspapers and others were resident forums. It was fascinating to see how different groups rallied together to get information from potential elected representatives, how they each brought up their relevant priorities and how they were all interested in the common good of the city. However, after this whole process, I really wonder how much of the electorate was influenced by these various events. It seemed to me that these reached a few key segments of society, which was great for overall word of mouth, but perhaps did not translate into a direct share of the vote. For that, I think I needed to have done a lot more research, gotten lists of voting democrats, done precinct walks, and prepared much harder on issues of particular interest to Folsom voters. So, this should have been acted on much before the deadlines for nomination and all that fun stuff that actually happens between the official names of candidates on the ballot and the election.

Fifth, the little amount of money (relative to the other candidates) that I set aside for funds could have been used better, elaborating on the statement I made a couple of paras above. I spent way too much money on street signs, (about 50%) only to find out that due to City ordinances that were enforced strictly and due to sweetheart deals between developers and those they were very familiar with, pretty much the only options I had for signs were people's front lawns, often inside neighborhoods or enclaves that weren't very visible. Furthermore, I ended up having more than a third of my signs in my garage, even on election day as I had no place to put them, and I had only ordered 150 in all. So that was a huge fiasco. I think that money would have been better spent in mailers or post cards. Oh well!

All in all, I think majority of the voters voted on their familiarity with the names on the ballot. There is definitely a concerned percentage of voters and I think I'm right in saying that this percentage is growing, that makes informed decisions about candidates. Prior to this election, I would not have counted myself as such a voter, but I know going forward, with all the opportunities that we have to learn more about those on our ballots, never again will I be an uninformed voter. There is just too much at stake to let that happen. We need to hold our leaders accountable and this is the only way to do so.

Starting from scratch, again...

2010-06-13T19:10:00.000-07:00

My decision to reinvent myself as a lawyer was pretty successful, even with the geographical musical chairs between Santa Clara and Sac, a baby after my second year which delayed graduation by one semester, prepping for and passing (whew!) the California Bar Exam, and finding a state job as an attorney four months after I started my job search during this recession!

But, I did something not many would do. I quit after nine months on the job, three short months from completion of probation and becoming a permanent state employee. I didn't quit because of performance issues, I didn't quit to join another job and I didn't quit because I hated my job (au contraire!). I quit to be able to spend more time with my toddler and to provide her with mom's hands-on care. It was the right thing to do.

I struggled for the past few months with this decision. In my world, there appears to be a bright-line between moms who work and the SAHMs (Stay at home moms). There are divisive opinions on both sides as to who is a better mom. SAHMs think that it is imperative for moms to stay home, while working moms, think that the child gets a better perspective on life and its many demands, if children see their parents working and juggling family responsibilities from a young age.

Personally, I don't know if I fall into either of these categories. I greatly admire the women who are able to work and balance their lives, knowing how difficult it is to be a sane, functioning woman in the office, while madly juggling all the responsibilities of a home and a family. But, as I have found these past few weeks, being an SAHM is no picnic, either. There's always something to do, something to clean up, something to clear up, something to put away, in the few precious hours that there isn't a screaming child around, demanding your attention.

I think, ultimately, it comes down to what you are at peace with. While I valued the independence and authority I had at work, there was always a nagging thought at the back of my mind that I wasn't being the mom I knew I could be. I don't know if this is cultural thing, or a guilt thing, or what, but the thought persisted and echoed in the words of my toddler, who wanted me to stay with her and not go to the office, day in and day out.

After a few weeks of that, worn out and unhappy at both places, at home and at work, and with the support of my loved ones, I gave up trying to juggle both. For now, I am an SAHM. I know enough about myself that I will reinvent myself again, soon, but perhaps, everything I have achieved so far is a sign, saying that I am ready to view the world on my own terms. Perhaps, I don't have to have a title that designates and pins me down into some identifiable role. I'm not just a SAHM, or a worker bee. I am a bit of both, and more. I am whatever I want to be.

Culture Clash or Indecent Exposure?

2010-03-22T14:51:00.000-07:00

I heard this story from a friend, who heard it from a friend, so you know by now that what I’m about to say is as distorted as can be. I used to love playingb the game “telephone” as a child, where 10 or more kids sat in a circle and one whispered a seemingly innocuous message in another’s ear and in the end when the message was said aloud by the last person, it had no resemblance to the original message. That aside, I hope I don’t do serious injustice to this story.

What supposedly happened is this: an older man, the father of a first generation Indian couple was walking in the neighborhood in a lungi. “What is a lungi?,” you may wonder. Imagine a long, rectangular unstitched piece of cloth that you can wrap yourself in from your waist through your ankles. That’s a lungi. Here’s a link for a more believable explanation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lungi. As you can see, there is no mechanism as such to tie it into place apart from deftness of the hand and, it functions very much like a wrap-skirt that blows open on a windy day.

So what’s the big deal, you may ask. Well, it is a big deal under the circumstances… In India, whether a man (usually men wear lungis, forgive the stereotype) wears anything underneath or not is subject to conjecture. I still have a somewhat vivid picture from my younger days, of a man on a bicycle wearing a lungi which parted in the middle with every turn of the pedal, exposing his privates. I passed by in a car, observing this spectacle only for a moment, horrified and amused at the same time, as only a teenager is in such situations. Regardless, I don’t think I’ll ever forget that image…

But I digress; in my story the older gentleman was reportedly wearing underwear. He was walking in his neighborhood – well, let’s give him the benefit of doubt, maybe not in his immediate neighborhood, wearing a lungi. He reportedly saw a young boy; maybe 8-10 years or so, presumably, and reportedly watched the antics of this child, while walking toward this child. I’m making this part up to fill in the details, which were vaguely conveyed to me in a state of opprobrium. Perhaps the child fell while on a bicycle or a skateboard or some such activity which gave our onlooker rise to concern. He reportedly approached the boy with alacrity, as a result of which the folds of his lungi gave way, to expose his underwear. Result? The older gentleman was sued in federal court for indecent exposure directed to children or a related law.

The rest of the details are really hazy, apart from the fact that this older gentleman was exposed to the workings of the US legal system and ultimately, the case was dismissed.

I still don’t know what to make of this story, or hypothetical, if you feel similar disbelief. I don’t know enough about what he was charged with to speculate if intent was required, or if it was a statutory crime. I don’t know the actions that resulted in the parents of the boy to file suit against this person and I don’t know why, if it was seemingly innocent, it didn’t clear up as a misunderstanding based on the unique cultural issues that it represented.

Regardless, I would not have imagined such a scenario in a million years, yet, apart from my initial shock, I wonder if it is not inevitable… People’s cultural differences have had little room to play out and show their true colors, in a broader, multi-cultural setting. I wonder if the irony of the whole situation is that this person felt comfortable enough in his neighborhood to be talking while wearing a lungi. What do you think?

(Photo credits - from http://visionsandperceptions.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/lungi1.jpg)

New Year’s Actions

2010-01-13T20:22:00.000-08:00

Finding myself – back to the basics…

I don’t know about you, but the new year bring in a lot of soul-searching, or, as my husband would say, anxiety for him, as he doesn’t know what his crazy wife will want to do in the new year. I hate the word “resolutions” as many call it. I like to think of it as actions. I’ve made many resolutions that die before they leave the shutters of my mind, so I figure, a new word will help me help myself better.

One of my first actions this year was to think about food differently. I’m tired of making the same old rice, roti, curry, meat dishes. Not only is Indian cooking time consuming, but leftover portions, after two meals, tend to weigh me down, with the smell and the tiredness of it all. I decided to expand my repertoire not only with different recipes and cuisines but to get back to the basics. Like trying out more seasonal veggies and not just making Indian style versions of them, updating my pantry with more whole grains – quinoa, wild rice. Although what I will do with them, we’ll see…

This week was a really good start. Monday’s dinner was roasted kale (kudos to my cousin for introducing this delish starter to me) and asparagus to start, with pav bhaji. Yes, Indian, I know, but it was a combination of four or more veggies, easily cooked and consumed, I must say. My two-year old had a blast tearing off the kale leaves from the stem while prepping it for the oven.

Tuesday night was fish and a ready-mix salad – freshly shopped for at the grocery store, but with a dinner prep time of 20 mins of less!!! Added a few spicy ingredients and sizzled the fish in a saucepan. I could have added some version of bread, in hindsight. Next time…

Tonight, I’m planning a whole wheat spaghetti & store bought marinara, with oven roasted thinly sliced eggplants and zucchini (and asparagus still in the fridge from Monday) and a great fresh salad recipe - shredded beets and carrots – from this author/chef I stumbled across on NPR www.cucinanicolina.com. Shredded beets, carrots, some lime juice, olive oil, salt and pepper.

Tomorrow, I’ll probably revert back to some version of chicken curry, before the other members of my household (including me, at some point, I’m sure) revolt in protest at alien combinations being forced down their palates, but in this process, I’m re-discovering how much I used to enjoy cooking and baking. These past few years, despite the obvious relish with which I watched the Food Network, I grew disdainful of cooking day in and day out. I’m not sure how much steam my current interest will run on, but I’m hoping it will last a while, because I cannot see myself doing take-out 2-3 times a week like I used to. Forget about the expense and the growing abdominal fat, (which, it is rumored you can never get rid of!) but the taste these days is just so blah! The oil smells stale most of the time; you wonder what’s in there the rest of the time…

I also came across an interesting article in the Sac Bee a few weeks ago. http://www.sacbee.com/161/story/2426657.html Apparently, a farm just outside Sacramento http://www.delriobotanical.com allows you to purchase a box of fresh veggies and fruits for $20 a week (catch is that you have to pay for the whole quarter in advance) along with recipes or suggestions for how to cook the produce. This sounds fabulous! I read the reporters article with relish, but my enthusiasm started nose-diving about half-way through the article. I didn’t know about more than half the veggies and I don’t think I ate any of them at all… I guess this is going to have to wait to see how my life plan action is taking effect in the next few weeks. Figure, if I sign up closer to the summer, at least I’ll know what to do with the abundant summer produce that I’m mostly familiar with, but I wouldn’t be making any bets if I were you!

Effective Public Notice in Times of Dwindling Newspaper Circulation?

2009-12-31T17:26:00.000-08:00

It’s been a while so, here’s a long, overdue post:

Public Notice Requirements & Declining Newspaper Circulation

If you read a sampling of the Government Code (not that you’d do it for fun), you will most certainly stumble across some aspect of Public Notice, where either the statute, or any proposed amendment to a statute or a regulation has to be made public, through a newspaper notice/advertisement. I also came across a similar requirement for companies that are involved in class-action lawsuits, where they may not have a customer list of those who may be affected, etc, or, that their universe of customers/interested parties is so large, that the most efficient way to reach them is to advertise in the major newspaper of that market. (How’s that for a long, sentence in semi-legalese?)

This, coupled with recent reports about declining circulation of major dailies, got me thinking about the efficacy of this medium for the purpose of notice. Back in the day, pre-internet, the newspaper was the only place to be informed about such happenings. Now, however, the number of people that rely solely on newspapers for their information is declining, and rapidly in some age-groups, mostly younger age-groups, in my opinion. (Although, without having the time or resources to dig into a report or analysis saying something similar, I would venture to suggest that this is the current trend.) Not only is the medium through which people get their news fragmented (exploding internet news sites, cable, satellite, broadcast tv, streaming media directed to phones, radio, etc.,), but newspaper circulation is also at its darkest time in its history. (Someone once made an interesting analogy, comparing the obsoleteness of newspapers with the obsoleteness of the law firm billing model, but suggested that neither is going to change drastically in a short period of time.) Check out this link from the Sacramento Business Journal, http://sacramento.bizjournals.com/sacramento/stories/2009/10/26/daily7.html, about plummeting circulation numbers. Don’t forget to note the possibility that while overall circulation is down, if you compare declines by age-group, you would probably find a more telling story about older vs. younger generations and their preferences for different media.

Now that we have all this background, here’s the point – is a “public notice” requirement in newspapers obsolete? Further, if it is obsolete, is there any other medium that is more suited for widespread dissemination to enable the public to gain notice about matters affecting its rights?

I’m sure people will argue that newspapers still have a vast majority of readers, particularly those who would go to newspapers specifically for this kind of information. I’m sure most defendants would argue that too, because suddenly, their burden of notifying the public will be more weighty and expensive, perhaps. But still, does reaching out to a fraction of an “interested” population through a newspaper advertisement qualify that you have met the requirements for notifying the public about potential changes to their rights? Are we just paying lip service to this function of “notice” by carrying on old traditions that do not serve their purpose anymore?

Secondly, is the internet a better-suited mechanism for “public notice”? It’s also equally fragmented. It’s much more private (yes, an oxymoron!), but the privacy of opening a web page from your own space (home, office, phone, tv, wherever!) lends to a more uncensored ideological/philosophical leaning, I would think. So, I’m assuming those who lean left, never (or infrequently, perhaps) visit right-wing news sites or blogs, and vice-versa. Maybe a non-profit organization will pop-up soon, if it hasn’t already that will be a “public notice center.org” by State, that will perhaps be the new equivalent. But can you imagine that text in a regulation or statute? I’m assuming here’s how it will read, “Department has to put up a notice on ‘public notice center.org’ or its equivalent, for a period of 45-60 days, with an opportunity for the public to respond. Public hearings will be held within 3 weeks…” and so on and so forth. That would be a first… I wonder if this change will come about in my lifetime.

I did see something close, though, albeit, with the newspaper as the conduit. The Sacramento Bee had an article recently about how the Re-districting Commission was accepting applications from citizens for the Committee and it directed readers to their website. (As an aside, I urge all residents of California to apply and participate in this process, see http://www.wedrawthelines.ca.gov/.) But still, it was the newspaper that directed people to it. How would the average citizen learn about it if the Sac Bee, even with its dwindling circulation didn’t carry it?

Public comments appreciated…

Circus, circus

2009-08-28T15:33:00.000-07:00

Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey is in town and I've been debating for a long time if I should take my two year old to it. I finally gave in and bought tickets earlier this week, much to the recrimination of more principled friends. So I am trying desperately to justify going to the Circus... I know my munchkin will be amazed beyond belief to see elephants, horses and I think even a tiger, so why isn't that impending joy enough? I looked at their website and they had a page or a comment somewhere about how humanely they treat their animals... But then my conscience goes, it's like Philip Morris saying they donate money to lung cancer foundations, isn't it. Bah! Voice in my head, you're killing the fun of it.

Then I try to argue with the voice in my head, that the zoo is the same thing. They have animals on display and they have to deal with heckling kids all day - that's much more sad than the circus animals participating in shows for a few minutes/hours a day. But this is not the same, yells out my conscience. No one is deliberately demeaning you by trying to make you defy gravity, by having the horse or the dog walk on two legs or by having a majestic elephant do silly
anthropomorphic tricks. Or, even worse, no one uses corporal punishment in order to train you to do these things...

I get it - I understand the mistreatment, but in a way, I think, I'm going through the same thing. With the current job market (yes, it will always come back to this somehow), I feel like a circus animal myself in my job search - eager to please, displaying my profound and proficient talents, juggling if I have to, to make an impression, walking on one leg, or so it seems, most days... ;0) The one good thing is that I don't have a whip-happy trainer trying to get me to imbibe these seemingly fantastical skills. Yay! I'm a circus animal but I'm not mistreated. Sigh! Point is, I understand how they feel, with this weird, inexplicable analogy that I have created - the need to achieve something, the desire for applause, people flocking to you...

I don't ever want to be in this boat again, re-inventing myself, starting off at the bottom of the food chain and in a way, I don't think I ever will be. What I don't understand though is how an industry expects to get a skilled workforce if they are not invested in training that workforce or providing this workforce with opportunities and resources.

I'm sure there are many who say that this is just the market correcting itself to get rid of excesses, and they may be right, but it seems that the industry itself is caught unawares - with big law surreptitiously copying one another, with others waiting in the wings to see how the chips will fall, and with the rest of the bottom feeders now aspiring and getting what they couldn't earlier.

As far as I remember, there have been voices for changing the system - for changing the 6 minute "kaching" counter, for being more realistic with associate salaries, bonuses, etc, for having law schools be more responsive to the needs of the market, instead of burying them with theory and heavy coursebooks.

Why is it, that a system that has devised and designed a doctorate degree in three years of rigorous study, is so uncertain about the product it churns out that people are afraid of those who are below the magic number (what is that - the top third of the class?)? I am surprised by the judgment that your transcript inspires in people - not having seen such a phenomena with my other degrees.

Is it because the practice of law is so scripted and rigid that only the top third of the class can practice well? Or is it that the practice of law is so eclectic that those who did badly on one day, at the end of the semester/year, will be doomed to repent it the rest of their lives (dramatic, I know...)? Or is it just a system that has so badly spiralled out of being, that it is its own entity, where, the study of law in this country is now a law unto itself?

I know - I'm asking for the meaning of life and everything, but I digress... Where was I, yes, about the circus... yep "all the world is" indeed "a stage..."

Why isn't my phone ringing off the hook with job offers?

2009-07-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm not in the top 25% of my class (maybe from the bottom, hehe! ;0)), and my school is not in the top 25 law schools in the country, (it is in the top 25 in California, for sure! ;0)), but where are all the entry-level attorney jobs gone? The most depressing thing about all this is that I saw a job listing the other day for an experienced attorney, with 10-15 years of experience and, the listing said that the attorney should have graduated in the top 15% of their class, from a top tier law school. So what, the 10-15 years counts for jack? Crazy!!!

I swear it wasn't so bad last fall, while I was entering my final semester of law school, but all of a sudden, that well is dry. Yes, I know, the economy, stupid..., but what's going to happen to all the entry-level attorneys that law schools are churning out? Will the economy improve enough, that if for instance we were to do something totally different just to get a job, but wanted to change that once things opened up, will the improvement in the economy be so significant that we could? So, just for argument's sake, if I were to go into litigation, but had my heart set on corporate law or securities law, will I be able to work in securities law with 1 or 2 years of PI litigation or construction litigation under my belt?

Also, now, the BIG FIRM associates, the ones who secured all those fabulous jobs a year or two ago, and possibly just this past year, are vying with me, for the stable, not so glamorous other jobs. So, a hiring attorney, looking at this demi-God or demi-Goddess from the Big Firm with I don't know, let's say 2 years of experience of having worked with the best of the best and closed, what, 12 deals, with a market cap of 1 billion plus, (can you tell I'm pulling stuff out of the wazoo?), and looking at my resume, impressive as it is with a few internships, a mid-career change, and my stellar "passed the Cal Bar on the first go" record in Feb '09 with only a 33.5% pass rate, is going to choose whom?

Additionally, I was one among the many ignoramus who didn't realize that to qualify for a Federal Justice Dept job, your application deadline would be the fall of your third year or last semester. If you missed that, the only way to get a Federal Justice Dept job would be to have a few years under your belt.

What about the Cal AG's office you may ask? Well, they're hiring, apparently, but then again, they want you to pick up the ball and run with it on day 1, so they want experience also. It's like the old cliche - what came first, the chicken or the egg? How do you get a job or experience if no one wants to spend time mentoring/training you?

Law firms? Sure (ly not!), and don't forget the non-traditional route I took to law school along with my swinging GPA. I think I should use some inventive statistics & fine print items in my resume to state some of the facts - you know, like top 25% of the class (and in fine print - only among students with a GPA of 3.0 or below); best law school in the country for the IP program (and in fine print - well, technically among the top ten in the country or something like that & since I didn't take any IP coursework, so this is only an fyi); school finalist for an external Moot Court competition (and in fine print - we were the only team that volunteered for the competition), etc. So that is sure to get me in the door for a law firm interview, albeit in a better economy.

Another strategy, use so much legalese on my resume that I look like a legal genius on paper - so it would read something like; drafted a legal opinion on the right of illegal aliens with an illegal re-entry status in cases involving aggravated assault or felony-murder or something cool and lawyerly like that. Hmm - there's an idea. (Not!)

So, my options? Volunteer! Yay! And the loans and the car payments and the credit card bills - oh, yeah, those... This reminds me of the song - "Where have all the "good jobs" gone and where are all the ..."- yes, I'm ageing myself, but where are the jobs? The great state of California is hiring, but again, being inundated with those with experience, is probably offering jobs to the top 25% of the top 25% (pure speculation on my part). And, probably to those who are willing to accept an IOU instead of pay check, given the state's budget crisis. But with 10-12 paid holidays, plus benefits & retirement, I will take a 55K+ job anyday, even with the 15%-20% pay cut from the three furloughs a month, right off the bat. But, I've yet to hear from them...

So what next - keep trying, I say, and I hope to get a job before mid-end November, before another horde of lawyers pass the bar exam and are ready for work. I figure, I can make an argument sounding like this in an interview: "I am a well qualified professional with 6 years of work experience prior to law school, a graduate degree holder along with a J.D., and I passed the bar on my first attempt where the overall pass rate was 33.5%. I know how to work in an office environment, given my past work experience, I can manage my time efficiently, having had a baby after my second year of law school, and having taken just one extra semester to catch up and I have great interpersonal skills," although this will probably get me no where - so scratch the last one. So, have I made a convincing argument for you to hire me, or do I need more facts, or more reasoning and analyses, or, a better application of law (in this case achievements, I guess) to facts?

Drop me a line and let me know if you are faring any better...

It's official, unofficially. I made it...

2009-05-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

My experience with the February 2009 California Bar Exam

2009-04-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

I graduated law school in December 2008. I took a non-traditional route to law school in that I already had a Masters degree and about six years work experience in advertising. I didn't see myself in advertising for the rest of my life and this was something that was always in the back of my mind, so I decided to go for it.I joined Santa Clara Law School, which I think is a great law school not only because of its flexibility (I think it's one of the few ABA law schools that has a part-time program), but also because of the close knit community of faculty and administrators and especially the students. I felt a genuine camaraderie with my classmates, okay fine, some of my classmates. Some of them were cliquish, but for the most part, they were very helpful. It’s funny how even the most self-proclaimed liberal will wall themselves off in the quest for the best grade, but that’s a whole other essay on human nature and the survival of the fittest, which I guess would relate well to law school, but another time perhaps. The focus of this essay is the 2009 Feb Bar exam, which I will get to eventually. Maybe the last two paragraphs. ;0)

I started off in the part-time program for various reasons, the first being that I couldn’t get into the full-time program. The school is very flexible though, and after a year, I switched to the full-time path, as I knew I wouldn’t last out four years in law school. In hind-sight, being in the part-time program was great. It gave me enough time to adjust to the vigorous demands of the law school curriculum, and having been out of school for so long, I wasn’t used to staring at pages and pages of legalese. Not that full-time students were, but a majority of them had just graduated, so I’m assuming it would have been an easier transition for them. Prior to the start of my second year, the Fall of 2006, I had a revelation. I started law school in my early 30s. I realized that by the time I would graduate, pass the bar and get a job, I would be in my mid-30s, three to four years later. I couldn't visualize myself as a first-time mom or even as a pregnant woman in the first year of my first job in this profession, so my hubby and I decided that it would be best to have a baby in law school. Brilliant idea, let me tell you, that, along with starting law school as a mid-life career change. Not!!! Ever heard of sucker for punishment? Yours truly will gladly take that honor. The spring semester of my second year, semester two, is when I was happily pregnant and I found out soon after the start of the year. Again, not!!! I was happy and pregnant for all of 2-3 days, when I realized what I got myself into. I had signed up for about 15 or 16 credits that semester. It was not fun studying or sitting in classes when you are constantly nauseous or with a growing waistline that meant you didn't fit into any of your clothes. That coupled with reading assignments, Honors Moot Court and other law school requirements... What was I thinking???

Oh, and I almost forgot to write that all this while, I was commuting on a weekly basis from Sacramento to Santa Clara for law school. Yeah, I know what you are thinking… Santa Clara allows you to visit away your third year, so my big plan was to finish the requirements, 56 credits by the end of the second year, to be able to visit away in the third year and to be closer to school.

Fast forward a few months. About a week or so before my finals, I found out there was a problem with my baby in utero and at that time, we didn’t know what happened or what the outcome would be. I’m surprised I passed, even with the smattering of C’s I received, which seemed to be no different than when I studied hard. Oh well!

I took the Fall semester, the start of my third year off, and after a string of emails back and forth, I joined UC Davis law as a visiting student for the Spring of 2008, the start of my third year. At that time, however, I didn’t realize that UC Davis has this antiquated rule that if you apply for the Spring, you can only visit that one semester, and I didn’t know about it. So when I re-applied for the Fall of 2008, I found out that I couldn’t go back to UC Davis’ Law School in the Fall and I had to apply to another law school nearby.

So I applied again to McGeorge School of Law in Sacramento, my saving grace. I finished up the required coursework, and even got a good GPA, surprise, surprise!

Finally, I was ready for bar prep for the Winter Bar Exam, in February 2009. I realized when applying for the bar that the results are released with the well-timed synchronicity of a ballet performance. By the time the results and released, and worst-case, if you failed, you would have enough time to reapply for the July bar exam. Interesting, but let’s not dwell on that. I’m being positive about the bar exam. :0) And yes, I will update this space in mid-May, after I find out.

Going into bar prep, I would recommend that given a choice, take all the bar courses that are offered at your school during your law school years. I found that it helped me remember the material better when it came around to bar prep time.

More about Multi-state prep (MBE, not the MPRE silly! :0)

I signed up for PMBR’s 6-day, 3-day combo, and for Barbri. I found that most students don’t do both, which was surprising as I was told that was the way to go by some of the Bar grads I spoke to. I thought PMBR’s 6 day course was pretty good, and scary, because I performed so badly – almost as if I was taking the multiple choice questions for the first time, minus three+ years of law school.

The questions were good and the instructor review was also good. But I found that the multiple choice explanatory answers could have used some improvement, especially with regard to the incorrect choices. Usually, the explanatory answers would explain the correct answers and at the most one other answer choice, but, if you were like me where your answer choice didn’t necessarily reflect these two, you were second-guessing a solution that may not have been the right one.

Also, the PMBR outlines were very confusing. Unlike Barbri’s more simplified, or some would say simplistic outlines, PMBR was more of a collection of treatises. They are good in that they are accurate explanations of the law, but they are lengthy and in legalese, which means you have to work further to condense it yourself.

PMBR vs. Barbri

Many people I’ve spoken to differ in terms of which one they prefer. So, it’s a personal preference issue, perhaps. I thought that PMBR’s questions were better formulated than Barbri’s multiple choice questions. Although the tips in the lecture or the online video, in case you missed a lecture were similar to Barbri’s tips in approaching a subject.

Also, I thought that the extended practice questions by Barbri were more of the same, and didn’t seem to have as much breadth as PMBR’s extended practice questions did. So, if you did Barbri’s initial sets and the four sets per subject, the extra practice questions didn’t seem to have new areas within that subject. But, since this differs from person to person, this is my opinion regarding my experiences with both companies.

February 2009 MBE
I thought the actual MBE was tricky. They have condensed their fact patterns and on the February exam, the longest fact pattern was probably a tad bit more than half a page, but true to their word, according to PMBR and Barbri, they didn’t have any multiple question sequences – you know, the ones that say, questions 9-11 are from this fact pattern. But, as a result of this, the answer choices on the MBE were very concise and the wording was tricky. I ended up spending more time in the two choices I was able to get down to, and I made decisions based on a change in words, more than anything else.

The scariest part of the MBE is that I have no idea how I did. I don’t know if many of the others were able to tell. One of my friends thought he did really well. But personally, I can never tell with that much certainty when it comes to multiple choice.

The answers involve more mastery on the grey areas of the law and don’t be fooled into thinking that because a question is a few lines, it is an easy one. Some of the ones I was perplexed by were property questions that had one or two answer choices related to Wills. I figured this subject was under Property, at least per Barbri, which has a small section at the end of the Property Conviser review, if I remember correctly, but, it took me by surprise because I wasn’t prepared.

I think both PMBR and Barbri need to brush up their question banks significantly, to make their questions tighter/concise and to make their answer choices more challenging.

Barbri Essay & Performance Test Prep

I thought Barbri did a great job with their essay and performance test preparations. The best part of the Barbri program, the ones most worth the money/time/effort, were Professors Sakai and Honigsberg. They were absolutely phenomenal in their approach to the Essay and Performance Test Workshops.

The Conviser review was pretty straight-forward. Some of the Professors put me to sleep – I don’t want this to be a slam fest or a rating for Professors, so I’m not going into that aspect of it. But, I thought that this past February’s paced program (Barbri’s schedule and daily program that students follow along with) was extremely tight and could have used more free days at the end. The paced program ended on Feb 14, and the Bar exam started on Feb 24, which was less than 10 days of self-study.

For someone like me who could not keep up with the paced program’s schedule, it was very hard to catch up, since you get so short on time toward the end, where there are a million things to do. I would have liked an extra few days to be able to get on top of things, but given the vastness of the syllabi and the subjects, I doubt that is feasible…

I thought the predictions by the Barbri team were fairly accurate. They talked about Civ. Pro not being covered for a while, and sure enough, it was on the exam. Also, the first time that California Evidence was tested, was on the Feb 2009 exam. So that was interesting.

So, finally, moving on to the Tue/Wed/Thur, (Feb 24-26, 2009, the California Bar Exam), the results of which (out in mid-May) will determine whether or not I am fit to be a lawyer in California.

Before I proceed any further, I promise I am not making any money from this, and had I started taking it sooner, I would have been better off, but regardless, I must give a shout-out to Rescue Remedy for any test-taker, or someone who is stressed out. It is a Bach Flower remedy and while I had it all along, my sister recommended I take it after I told her about a yelling match my husband and I had while trying to find the bar exam location (I took it in Sacramento – Cal Expo) on the Saturday prior to the exam. It was wonderful. I kept it in the car and I would take a dose prior to the morning session, and one prior to the afternoon session. It really made a world of difference.

After tossing and turning all night (does anyone really sleep soundly Monday night, through Wednesday night?) I headed out to Cal Expo. No major hitches. I took cushions and a foot stool (they’re some of the few things allowed, so why ever not?). The exam actually started early, at 5 minutes to 9:00 a.m., which threw me off, as I thought they would wait and it messes up your calculation. So, be prepared for that. In fact, Wednesday and Thursday, we started at different times, always before 9:00 a.m., if I remember correctly. Also, there is a bit of paperwork to do, so don’t come strolling in a few minutes before the exam. If you are a lap-topper, (as people using the computer and Softest are called), then you have to be in extra early to set up your computer. My Softest started acting up the afternoon of the third day. It was slow and the words would show up a few seconds after typing. It was annoying, but thank God it did not crash!!! Also, make sure you set up Softest in advance and also download the mock test and upload the test answer to ensure everything is okay. I had one setup issue, which I spent a nervous half-hour on, a few days before the exam.

So, Tuesday morning, ready to start, the first exam is Professional Responsibility. The essay is about a lawyer that is helping a corporation owned by a single shareholder, or something like that, and if I remember correctly, she takes a portion of the company shares as her fee and also is signs on another client who is suing a second corporation set up by the same shareholder who sets up corporation 1. We were asked to answer under ABA and California law.

Essay 2 was Civ Pro. I kept looking to see if they would ask for California Civ Pro, but it was Federal Civ Pro, and like the Barbri Prof said, it was basic Civ Pro rules, regarding venue. Luckily this essay had parts that asked specific questions, so you didn’t need to go crazy issue-spotting unasked issues. It was about a plaintiff who was injured by a copy machine at a copy-shop, but she was suing the manufacturer.

Essay 3 was California Evidence. This is the first time this subject has been tested, so lucky us. :0) (Not). It was not in narrative fashion, but in a testimonial fashion, with the sentences numbered, and we were asked to raise the evidence issues presented and answer according to California law.

Tuesday’s Performance Test – I made sure I had a light lunch, but I still felt sleepy about an hour or so into the exam, perhaps the lack of sleep or something. For some reason, I can’t seem to recall the subject matter of this exam. If anyone does, please send me a note to jog my memory. All I can remember is that it was long.

I remember reading someone’s blog about the California Bar Exam and this person studied law outside California. He or she said something to the effect of the Cal. Perf. Test being easy, because it was 3 hrs, while theirs was hard because it was 1.5 hours. Hello! Three hours, means twice the amount of material. So, go figure… I wouldn’t say it was hard, but it was a challenge, given the amount of time and the amount of material you have to digest and prepare.

Wednesday – MBE day. This was the most disconcerting. I have no idea how I did. Hopefully, when I pass (note the “when” and not the “if”), I won’t need to know…

On Thursday, essay 1 was a Torts/Defamation/Con Law question. Seemed relatively easy after Barbri’s prep. Essay 2 was a Contracts question, and this one had a few parts and was long. Even had a remedies thrown into it. I went too long on this question and had to sacrifice the remedies part by reducing it to a few sentences. I left it feeling I didn’t do it justice. Essay 3 was a Corporations Essay! Why?!! I don’t think anyone was expecting this subject, out of all the subjects. Anyway, most of the question dealt with fiduciary duties of care and loyalty. There was one part to it that left a few of us confused – a question about how to remove an interested director. I don’t recall covering this indepth in Barbri, perhaps it was there, but I just didn’t pay attention. Oh well!

Thursday’s Performance Test – this one I remember pretty clearly. It was about a Housing discrimination suit, by a couple that have a child and are asked to vacate because they violate the number of occupants rule or something. This was also extremely lengthy as they asked us to cover a number of things – one main thing was the recommendation to the client – and they listed three options to review, and wanted us to ask if they needed any further information, etc. So, it was long to say the least.

And then, we were done. I have never felt a bigger sense of denouement. We wound up, took our stuff and left. Everyone was so exhausted, that while there were some whoops of joy, people were glad it was over.

Now, we wait and wait some more. Wishing all my fellow warriors good luck!

Changeling

2009-03-07T11:49:00.000-08:00

When I saw the movie, I wondered what the title meant. I thought it meant the obvious - something that changes. Or so I thought. Dictionary.com lists the word as meaning "a child surreptitiously or unintentionally substituted for another." How fascinating... Now I know how little I know about the English language.

I saw this movie on a flight -- a long flight en route to India -- which meant I had plenty of time and nothing to do. I saw the movie on the menu, but didn't want to see it first, because I heard about the story briefly and thought it was depressing. So I saw Twilight again (third time! why? no clue!), then I saw "The Day the Earth Stood Still (why?), and then went on to Ms. Jolie.

This was based on a true story. What an incredible story it was. I completely and totally admire the tenacity of this woman, Christine Collins, played well by Ms. Jolie, in this sometimes sensationalized but unbelievable tale. I realized it was the late '20s, or else, leaving a child of nine years at home alone would result in child endangerment. And, I realize why we have laws that forbid you to do so, now, after watching the movie.

The movie has several themes that stayed with me for a long time. In fact, I was so perturbed after watching it that I couldn't fall asleep until several hours later. So, if you watch movies before bed, like me, I would advise you not to watch this one.

First and most significant is the role of the mother. Single mother raising a young son in Southern California. I don't remember if the movie talked about her being married or not, but I remember her telling her young son that his father didn't bother sticking around when she was pregnant with him. Not in so many words and definitely in a nicer way than I said it, though. I'm amazed at how stable and strong this woman was. Employed, with little family around to help, taking care of her son and struggling to be a good mother, while keeping up with the demands of work. Some of us have been there. I can relate to that. But, having to leave your child alone to go to work and coming back to find him missing... I cannot imagine the agony and the guilt that she went through. I thought A.J. did a good job in not being overly sentimental, because she conveyed more in the gravity of her appearance than any histrionical act would have.

I had to remind myself that this happend at a time when they had few resources to identify missing children - you know, like the age progression pictures that you see at the back of your Advo mailing packet, or some other direct mail brand postcard. So it was easy, or relatively so for the police to come up with a kid, who shared some of the physical characteristics of her missing son.

The police - the control, the power and the corruption - this was not news to me. I bet this hasn't changed in some countries - but to just hand over a random child to a mother who is half insane with worry - unbelievable. And, for her to realize and complain that this wasn't her son - again, the emotions I felt were hard to describe. What would Christine Collins have felt - doubt, self-loathing, guilt, anger, shame - at having realized that the child she was caring for was not her son, but also realizing that the child who willingly portrayed him obviously had some need to be where he was. To get a good meal perhaps, a home and a caring mother. Crazy!!

What really surprised me though, was the blatant Due Process violation that occurred when the police decide to pack her off to the mental asylum because she was raising a stink about her son still missing and that people were starting to notice. I was dumb-founded. They could do that in the '20s? Then I started thinking about women's rights - we weren't allowed to vote for the longest time; we were considered possessions (still are in some parts of the world) for the longest time; we were the "little women" - the housekeepers, the caregivers, the sex slaves of our masters, our owners; we were burnt at the stake; we were branded as bra-burning radicals for asserting our rights - so, in hind-sight, it shouldn't have been that surprising. But it was...

The hardest part of the movie, apart from feminist angst pouring out of my veins while I watched it, was with regard to the child-killer. Gordon something his name was. It's not important for me to remember his name - he doesn't deserve the recognition. But to think that such savagery existed then, and still continues to exist in those who prey on little children, made me very sad. The cycle of violence never seems to end, does it?

I know we have to raise our children in a way to warn them about these people - the ones who mean to do them harm, but how do we do it without taking away a part of their innocence?

Overall, this is absolutely a must-see. It is bitter-sweet, but just.

My first movie review - Twilight

2008-11-25T01:08:00.000-08:00

I am compelled to write about Twilight. I haven't read the book yet, but after seeing the movie, I want to read the book(s). At first glance, the movie, is an average love story between cute boy (Cedric Diggory lives!!!) and cute girl with a twist. Set in a picturesque Washington town - towering pines, dewey light, moss covered hills and bejewelled lakes, the movie has this dream like quality to it. Even the brightest sunlight looks greyer than it normally would - softened from its harshness by the cast of love.

Love is everywhere. In the soft-spoken words between school-mates, the unspoken feelings between father and daughter, the transparent vibes between members of the Cullen family. So why does this seemingly average Hollywood movie capture the heart of this 30 something author? One - I don't get out much... Two - this movie took me back to a time and place where I was instantly reliving the raging hormones of my teenage years - not in lust, but in love. The idea of true love perpetuates every scene in this movie and took hold of my aching heart for two whole hours.

Ahh! True love, as true as the first time we love, as true as the first time we kissed and the first time we thought our hearts would drown under the weight of it all - the passion, the ecstacy, the build-up, the denouement. What I love most of all, is that this is portrayed as pristinely as possible, with no vulgarity or prominent sexuality that would have just transformed this movie into one of those raunchy teen flicks.

I love the pureness of her love (although I'm sure she'll tire of it soon! :0)). I love the need and urgency of his love - his desire to be something else for a change, something different from the dark reality of his life. I love the impossible unattainability of it all -- the hunter and the hunted as one, the lion and the lamb as one, the vampire and his prey as one.

As for someone who has not read the book(s) as yet, I hope the book(s) or any future sequels to come will not implode into an inferno of sex and gore- mindless titillations well accomplished by half the teen and adult movies out there. I hope they capture this magical, mindless moment in all its ethereal beauty without it fading or dimming into oblivion.

"What about me?" you may ask. I'm just glad that I'm not a teenager anymore, glad that I'm not going to bed with impossible dreams about wanting to marry Robert Pattinson or wanting to write to him or wishing to see him or tear off his shirt or get his autograph - like millions of teens out there may be thinking. I'm just glad that for two hours, I was a teenager again, wishing, hoping, feeling heartache, remembering when I was last like this with fond reminiscence, as I know, in the bright light of the day, I will not feel like this again - thankfully!

Why can't women get along?

2008-10-01T20:16:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about this for a long time now. Why can't women support each other more? I feel that women, especially in a corporate setting or when establishing social mores or tradition, are anti-feminist. People have bandied about the phrase that women are each others' worst enemies. In some ways, I think it's true.

Let's take the corporate setting - do you see women interacting with each other the way men in an office do? Women are more likely to form cliques at the expense of other women. I may be wrong, but I didn't find that in my male counterparts. Women are also more competitive with each other, instead of being more competitive regardless of gender.

How many female managers out there think first of hiring a woman if a position opens up? How many female bosses are detested by their female underlings? I'm not saying men automatically do this, but I feel that we have so much to overcome (tradition, stereotype, etc) that we have to consciously think about doing this, or we lapse back into behavior that has been conditioned over generations.

In a social setting, many women lament every now and then about Indian social norms or traditions that are so antiquated and facially discriminatory against women. But few of us sit back and question them. Especially since most of these customs and traditions are enforced by older women in the family.

One of these stereotypes that I absolutely detest, but I can't seem to shake it off, is where the success or failure of a family or a relationship is attributed to the woman. Our mothers (older women, grandmothers, mothers-in-law, aunts, older cousins, etc) tell us that we should be the ones to adjust, we should accommodate, give in, keep quiet, not have an ego, not be controlling, etc... The list goes on and on.

But, has any one of our mothers (used loosely based on the list above) told us that they support our opinions, our independence, our ability to earn money, manage our lives and families with relative success, that we are great multi-taskers, we cook, we clean, we provide emotional support, create life, etc. Have any of our mothers said "hats off to you - you superwoman."

The short answer is no. They expect us to do this, because they did this. This is their worldview and they've raised us to be like them, and they've raised our men to be like our fathers - being waited on, served, respected, feared, etc.

Women who are aggressive, are called bitches. Men, are go-getters. Women who are controlling are seen as ice-queens or as anti-feminine. Men who are controlling are CEOs, patriachs of families. Surprisingly, most of the name calling comes from us. When it doesn't come from us, we are complacent. Some of us laugh, some squirm, but nobody reacts. We accept our place in society - second to men...

We do this to ourselves. We let ourselves be treated this way, we let ourselves be subservient to our better halves for various reasons, but we're letting ourselves down. I don't think it's great that Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin have risen so high in the political landscape. I think it's a shame that we didn't let them rise sooner. How many Hillaries have given up and gone home?

So what should we do? We can start by learning to see other women as friends, instead of adversaries. We can prevent our families and friends from using denigrating terms for other women. We can consciously support women in business, arts and politics. We can create forums for women to meet for fun, or for any other agenda. We can learn to put ourselves first. We can teach our daughters that they have no superiors, only equals. We can do so much. We already do so much. It's time to take a little credit for it...

Hinduism - Undefined

2006-10-06T17:34:00.000-07:00

I’m not seeking to give you answers to existential questions like the meaning of God, the meaning of life, the meaning of our struggles and the meaning of self.

In fact, I don’t even know where to start with any of these questions. They remain questions, more so at the top of my head when I need answers, when I’m looking for clues to guide me out of the trenches of life. My solace – my religion.

I can’t explain Hinduism to you. I can’t tell what it is without telling you what it isn’t and I’m most likely wrong about it too. People sometimes ask me what the bindi means and why Hindu women wear it on their foreheads and I try to think of a way of telling them that it is a way for us to harness our energies, to guide our third eye, which is at the center of the forehead, approximately a little above where the eyebrows meet. Then I wonder why men don’t wear bindis – don’t they need to harness the energy of their third eye? Isn’t this chakra important to them too? And I get lost in the immensity of this religion… From the spiritual to the mystical to the practical to the logical. How do I explain that we have a God or a deity or a planet for every day of the week, how do I tell you that the ultimate goal is to become one with the Atman, who is neither male nor female, but is energy, how do I convince myself to look past the ritual worship and to not worry about saying mantras.

Then I think, that I may not have to. Each one to his own. I can pray in anyway I want, so if I want to wake up in the morning, bathe, wear clean clothes and recite a few mantras in front of idols, that’s my choice. If I want to meditate on the Atman, that’s my choice. If I want to be one with the female life force, Shakti, that’s my choice. If I want to accept a Guru and follow his/her path, that’s my choice. If I want to forever be in the warm, accepting embrace of Amma, that’s my choice. If I want to be a follower of Shri Shri, that’s my choice.

To me, Hinduism is tolerance, it is love, it is acceptance, it is variety, it is Bhakti. Bhakti at its core is devotion. Devotion means nothing more than faith. Faith that the conviction of your belief will stand by you. Karma is action – action that can make you stay where you are, or action that can help you grow. Maya is a good excuse. It is illusion when you want it be, it is pain, when you let it be and it is hope, when you choose not to let it get to you.

I can’t turn a blind eye to the ills that have been propogated in the name of Hinduism. I wish I can justify it saying that every religion has its share of ills and I can quote a dozen examples. But to do so, will not make things right for me. Was the Caste System a part of religion or a part of society? Can we separate the two? Was misogyny a part of religion or a part of some dysfunctional aspects of Manu’s life? Why should I accept Manu’s dharma – doesn’t my religion give me enough without having to follow his path? Am I not being a good Hindu when I don’t accept Manu’s philosophy?

While these questions exist, they don’t make enough of a dent for me to question Hinduism’s basic principles. That we are a part of the Whole, that to be good is to do good and that your actions will catch up with you in this life or the next unless you pray for salvation. The question is – does praying for salvation get you there? Or is living your life in a rightful way enough?

There are plenty of books that I can read that will help answer these questions. But deep down, I know the answer. No matter how much I look for signs to help me make the right decisions, I make my decisions. I choose my actions, I follow the path of my own making. I know that had I made different choices when I was younger, and perhaps wiser, my life would be different now. But would it still be worth the same in terms of the experience and reward you get from hindsight? Would I have made different choices, or would Karma lead me to the same destination regardless? Is my life that of a puppet, guided by fate and destiny or am I free to make my own choice?

I pray for faith, for Bhakti, and for forgiveness in not having complete faith at times, for understanding that Lord Vishnu or Durga Maa will be with me even when I sin and for love that my Guru Saibaba taught through living his life by example. This is what Hinduism means to me.

Where is the outrage???

2006-07-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

Everyday, I hear something that pisses me off, makes me mad, makes my blood boil, supplant with your own cliché at will. But why is it, that we don’t hear anything from anybody? Why is there no public outrage anymore? I don’t mean we have to protest, or tear down buildings, or be violent. Why are we not being rebellious?

The anti-war protestors are still out there, but the media has moved on. Does no care about Japan trying to buy votes to start hunting whales again – wait, that’s not it – they want to be able to manage whaling by using sustainability as a model – political speak aside, they want to kill first and then decide if they have done enough damage to decimate their populations.

There’s more news about constitutional rights being subverted to the administration’s policy on managing the war on terror. Yet, I hear nothing, apart from a few angry tirades on the radio. What is the common man or woman to do? Blog? Register their protest? Fight for their rights? Go out and vote? There are institutional provisions to voice your discontent. The hard part is to keep your passion going until you get to your computer to write and then, to find the responsible party. I recently did something, probably nothing of consequence, but it felt really good. I was driving to the Bay Area and was stuck a mile or two from the exit. Ahead, I could see black smoke and knew that there was a fire. I was sure it was a thoughtless, ignorant smoker, who threw his/her lit cigarette butt out of the car. (I don’t care if you pollute your lungs, but I do care if your carelessness will put others at risk.) So anyway, we’re all stuck and waiting to see what was going on and if the other lanes were moving faster and the guy ahead, oblivious to the smoke, lights up a cigarette in the car. Fine, smoke, I don’t care. Then, after his fill, he proceeds to throw his half-smoked cigarette onto the road! Idiot!!! Can’t you see there’s a fire ahead, I wanted to scream. Do you really think your cigarette is out? What if you started another fire? Granted, he was in the middle lane, but do you really think someone like that would stop if he was close to the median that needed just a little spark to set off a raging fire? So I called 1-800-Tell-CHP and stayed on hold forever, (or so it seemed), and reported the guy to the officer, who indulgently took down my name and number and the license plate of the guy ahead.

So, you may wonder, did I accomplish anything? Most probably not, but I was elated. I did something about it. It felt good to report that act of mindlessness. So what am I saying – yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying – we have somehow stopped communicating – I don’t mean yelling or abusing a sales clerk or indulging in road-rage incidents, but we have stopped being concerned citizens. Democracy, even at the local level can only function if local people react to measures or pass measures that they are passionate about. I want to say this to everyone who complains about something – did you do something about it? Did you vote? Did you write to your Congressman/Congresswoman? Did you attend the City Hall public meeting? Or do you just want to sit back and complain that the world is going to hell?

Cultural Etiquette

2006-05-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

Is there such a thing as universal etiquette, or does each region, each country, perhaps have its culture predominate socially acceptable rules of behavior? Universal etiquette to me is equivalent to personal hygiene – covering your mouth when you sneeze or cough, washing your hands after using the bathroom, etc, to prevent the spread of germs – but it’s surprising how little of it is practiced in India. To some, universal etiquette is an option, but in reality, it is not, it is a necessity. How do you teach a country like India universal etiquette? If taught in schools, it becomes an elitist issue – an issue that the common man can’t possibly be worried about, because he or she is too busy trying to make ends meet. Unless there is a base of universal etiquette, it becomes very hard to build layers of cultural etiquette, as is the expected norm of behavior in countries like the U.S.

Cultural etiquette is specific to each region/country and it is evidence of the unspoken code of behavior – behavior in public that if not followed, is severely frowned upon, or commented on snidely. One example of this is cutting a line. There is a line in the U.S. for any and every thing, if more than one person is waiting for the same thing. Along with the “first come” first to stand in line mentality, the concept of “personal space” is also a very American phenomenon. Anyone living here for a few years treasures this space around their bodies that if crossed by someone rude enough to do so, violates their sense of security and privacy. There is an invisible boundary separating one person from the next and it grows onto people like second skin. I remember waiting in line to receive a friend at the airport in Hyderabad, a little away from the barriers and the throngs of people ahead. Yet, when people started streaming out, I got pushed to the middle of the crowd by those behind me, and that experience of being jostled, of my personal space being trampled upon, was claustrophobic.

Another habit, which I think a lot of Indians have, is to cut people off during a conversation. For me, at least, this was a way of communicating. It was how we talked in a group and if you’re point was important enough or if you were loud enough, you could get through and stop the other person in their tracks. Here, however, cutting a person of is incredibly rude and I learnt it the hard way, after picking up the cues left by rude glances. The cultural etiquette in the U.S. is to wait for the person to finish and then to quickly jump into the conversation while making sure you were quick enough to not cut someone who was just starting. Eventually, with a little practice, it will start to be very natural and with a little time, you may even listen to what the other person is saying, before trying to cut it with your opinion.

There is some controversy, even here, as to whether men still have to hold the door open for women. With the advent of women’s lib, many women scoff at the idea of having a man open the door or hold the door open, however, if a man and a woman approach the door at the same time, it is common for the man to go ahead and open the door for the woman to enter first, or apply the reverse, on the way out. I still remember very clearly, when I was exiting the building with a group of people from India and I was behind a gentleman who opened the door ahead of me. As he passed through, I expected him to hold the door open for me and I was shocked as the door slammed, inches from my nose. At first, I was shocked, wondering why this person was so rude to me and then I realized that he probably had no clue. It was something that was new to him, something that he picked up for the rest of his stay in the U.S.

A trait that some of my friends in India find annoying is my saying “thank you” for every little thing and to everybody. Again, this is something that I picked up as an acceptable social norm, ingrained in me from living in the U.S. for a long time. My friends in India think I am being too formal, or that this is the U.S. part of me, but I like the fact that I’m not taking people for granted, that I don’t lose anything by saying it.

While there are many more unwritten cultural norms that vary based on the number of people around or whether it is a big city or a small community, these norms help ease the stress of social situations and expectations, especially to those who are new to the area. Some may find them to be pretentious, but at their core, they are just unwritten rules that ask you to respect the person next to you, as much as you would respect yourself. Surprisingly, we (new immigrants) are the ones that are slowly eroding these customs either with our lack of enthusiasm in following them or with our ignorance. Whether that is a good thing or bad, time will tell…

What women want...

2006-05-04T12:36:00.000-07:00

Recently, a friend commented that it appeared that divorce rates in India among younger couples were sky-rocketing. While I don’t know if this is true statistically, I know that I’ve heard of more than one instance where a friend’s friend or a neighbor’s cousin was going through divorce. The topic is still hush-hush enough to be taboo, but once it’s out, no one seems to care. So why is it that many young couples, including those who had a “love marriage” head down the rocky road of divorce?

The answer to me is because a lot of men don’t understand what women want. Men spend countless hours wondering if these innocuous looking words hold the key to life’s greatest happiness. The answer is yes. Mahatma Gandhi said that the measure of a country’s greatness should be based on how well it treats its most vulnerable populations. To me, that includes women and minorities. As far as women are concerned, I’m not sure if I can rate India on this scale, given the history of discrimination and social pressure that Indian women are subjected to.

On a more positive note, times are changing. While some may say this shaking their heads, thinking of the good old days, others wear a smile, looking forward to more freedom and independence. You can tell a person’s age by their take on whether India is losing its culture and traditions to the West. People who agree tend to be older and they lament that the increased consumerism, the increase in exposure to western culture and the increase in opportunities and salaries are translating in direct proportion to a loss of traditional Indian values, especially in women.

Young women are entering the workforce in more numbers today, than in the past. Traditional social pressures about women staying home and taking care of the family are giving way to a pursuit of financial independence, given that women are capable, educated and willing to get out there and live life. There are fewer taboos holding them back and when opportunities come knocking, not many are willing to sit back in the shadows of the home.

Yet, some complain, that this has contributed greatly to the demise of martial bliss among younger couples. There is a conflict brewing among young men and women of Indian origin. I spoke to a group of young women recently in the U.S., all of them were of marriageable age and I asked them what they were looking for in a guy. These women are all working professionals, well educated, good looking and self-assured. They are, surprisingly, not ruling out the possibility of arranged marriages and are willing to meet guys that their parents recommend, but with the condition that they are only agreeing to meet them and talk to them, and not to marry them, at least not right away.

These women are looking for the right guys – Indian men, who like them are educated, working professionals who are good-looking, or at least reasonably so. They are quick to point out that they are looking for partners in a marriage and don’t want to become “slaves” to their husband or their husband’s families. They have equal opportunities for successful careers, equal potential for earning the same, if not more than the husband (although typically, men earn more than women in comparative positions), and they are driven by their career, ambitions and dreams.

To this, some women in India say that women are after all meant to be mothers and that they are to be the child-bearers and as a result, need to learn to sacrifice, compromise and adjust. It appears that young women of today are willing to do neither. The average man in a middle-class or higher society in India has been brought up by an adoring mother or grandmother, by a reverent following of sisters, older or younger and by society’s charm bestowed on the carrier of the family name and lineage. This young man grows up to expect more of the same and wants a woman that he marries to continue the lifestyle and expectations he was raised with.

When I was in India ten years ago, it was not uncommon to find working women who woke up much before dawn, cooked for the day, woke up their kids and their men, got everything ready for them and then headed off to work. This same woman would come home tired from a long day at work, would be expected to care for the kids, present a comforting presence to her man and take care of dinner, homework, errands, etc. Young women of today are not willing to be the “wife” of yester-years. They want the right to be lazy, the right to not cook every meal in the house, the right to sit back with their feet up, the right to be comforted, cajoled and fussed over and the right to take some time off from their daily chores if they wish. They expect that in this case, it should not be too much to ask for the man to sometimes make the coffee or breakfast, to do the dishes or the laundry, to wake the kids up and get them ready for school.

Who are we kidding though? Is this something that our men will do? The same men who are raised on the concept of “manly men,” the ones who don’t enter kitchens or laundry areas, the men who are labeled effeminate if they do anything remotely connected with a “female” job. Society, the movies and our “male-centric” culture has promoted this stereotype to no end, and sadly, our men now consider it gospel. Is it so hard to make life easy for someone you care about? Is it so hard to do the same amount of work as your partner, regardless of the difference in wages? Is it an “American” concept to work in your house, to do the dishes or laundry or to take care of your family? What women really want is for the concept of the stereotypical “Indian man” to be a thing of the past. Unfortunately, it appears resilient, even in our changing times…

To move or not to move – that is the question!

2006-04-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

Borrowing and appropriating Shakespeare’s timeless dilemma voiced by Hamlet, this statement is omnipresent in the lives of most Indians living in America. These are first generation Indians who have been in the U.S. for the past 10-15 years, some of whom have teenage kids, others who are establishing their lives here, waiting for their green cards, their citizenship interviews, etc.

Life in the U.S. is definitely not easy. Yes, we have all the material things we need, we are getting the sense of community and culture that we missed earlier in the decade, but it still is a rat-race. Most technical workers have to constantly upgrade their skills so as to not be obsolete. The government’s retirement programs – social security and medicare are in deep trouble and we don’t know if we can rely on it when we retire. With these uncertainties in mind, India seems a comforting thought – but it is India that we left 10 or 15 years ago that we miss – not the India of today.

The India of today is very much like the U.S. People have become ever so busy and don’t seem to have the leisurely life they seemed to have when we grew up. Kids in school are overburdened and burnt out with increasing homework and stress, to make it in competitive entrance exams. Time for cricket or games with the neighboring kids seems to be a thing of the past. Traffic has increased ten-fold, as has the population, but the cities amenities are still 20 years behind or more. The social scene has exploded… Valentine’s Day in India seems to be a bigger deal there, than here. Dating appears to be common-place; scant clothing is not an eye-opener anymore in clubs or parties. Smoking and drinking are commonplace, especially among the younger crowds. So what exactly is the attraction that India has with those of us living in the U.S.? Is it familiarity for things past? The happy memories of our childhood, the yummy food that we sometimes still miss? Are we making a big mistake in wanting the life we had as kids, for our kids? Is that still possible?

Why go back? This is an easy answer to some. They are considerably well off here and have invested in India or are comfortably well off there and can maintain equivalent standards of living. Aging parents will probably top the list of reasons that Indians in the U.S. want to return home. Some will list quality family time with extended family, others will probably want what they had for their children. But most people don’t consider that while they have been away 10-15 years or more, India has changed as much or more in the time that we’ve locked up the country and our lives in our memory lock and key when we left.

The lure of India is hard to miss. It is in the air, so to speak. You can’t escape the daily news coverage of India’s economic boom on the media, in any big American metro. Or, you may know of a friend’s friend who decided to move back, or relatives in India are asking if you’re thinking of coming back. One thing is for sure, most Indians in the U.S. ensure that they have their green cards or acquire citizenship before contemplating the big move. That allows them to leave the back door open you see, for the small, but possible chance that things don’t work out, and they once again come back to the bright lights and big cities, once more to sit on their commuter trains or cars, to go to work.

Granted, things haven’t changed all that much – you can still live considerably well given the resources and connections, you can still get hired help if needed, you can give your children a good education if you can afford it, but can you expect the same job satisfaction or growth that you had in the U.S.? Can you expect a relatively clean, disease-free life? Can you expect the comfort and security of a population that is law-abiding? Can a middle-class Indian family in the U.S. live an upper middle-class life in India without any complications? Can you live again in the same street that houses day laborers at the other end of the street, where the poor, the handicapped and the mentally unstable jostle to be the first to come up to your air-conditioned car to receive the one rupee that you may consider charity? Can you go back to the life of haves and have-nots? Eating, drinking and being merry in the latest bars and restaurants, being invited to the most exclusive parties, creating your next designer outfit while your driver cusses under his breath having to battle through traffic to make sure your car is relatively unscathed.

An American colleague recently made a comment. He asked me in a rhetorical fashion if it would be a supreme sense of irony if Indians working in the U.S. lost their jobs to Indians in India. It took me a while to think about a reply and finally I told him it would be, but that if it did happen, as a worst-case scenario, people would probably move back to India. Whether that is true or not, appears to be seen, but this much is for sure – every one of us is wondering if this is something that will happen to us a few years from now. Then, the question in our minds of whether or not to move back to India, will probably need answering.

Are we ready for development?

2006-03-30T22:02:00.000-08:00

Recently in the Economist magazine, several articles about India talked about India’s growth, India’s potential for growth, India’s future development, India compared to China – you get the picture. However, several readers responded with criticisms, not about the statistics or the reporting, but that India is not ready for development.

The criticisms all revolve around one issue – India’s astounding lack of public hygiene and civic responsibility. One reader commented about the filth and the stench emanating from the public bathroom in the Chattrapathi Shivaji railway station in India – but why go so far, and why go to a train station. The same is true about the bathrooms in Bangalore airport – the airport that hosts the world’s elite, the brains of hi-tech city, the high-ranking politicians, the businessmen and everyday people. One of my friends said that in spite of a delicate balancing act of holding her nose and trying to use the facilities, she had to bite down on her tongue to stop a gagging reflex that she had to the odors. Tourists have to plan their tours and shopping to ensure that they return to their hotels for bathroom breaks. Students often hold it until they return home. People who have no choice bear the risk of communicable diseases. Are these our only options? Is there no solution in light of our burgeoning economy and prophecies of development?

Why is the country that invented the zero, that has such pride in cleanliness of the home, that is renowned for its hospitality, one of the dirtiest, filthiest countries in the world? As Edward R. Murrow, a famous television journalist in the United States said, “we must not confuse dissent with disloyalty.” The problem is serious. There are a billion plus people living in the country. Urban spaces are packed and continue to grow. The current infrastructure is unable to keep up with the pace of growth and is often groaning under the burden of serving twice or thrice the intended population. The problem is connected to other social issues and from a macro level, seems impossible to solve.

Most people think it is below their dignity to clean up after themselves in public places, that it is the duty of lower caste members, bathroom and sewer cleaners to do so. Why do Indians lack pride in their city? I’m not even addressing the problems created by those that don’t have a home, those that sleep on the street – that is another issue altogether. I’m addressing this to educated, middle-class and rich Indians who don’t think twice before littering in public or dump their trash outside their home, in an empty, neighboring lot.

This does not happen in the U.S. People comment that Indians in the U.S. behave differently in India than in the U.S., but why is that accepted, even if it is true? Do non-resident Indians somehow develop a magical sense of community and responsibility? My argument is that people follow by example and learn by the disapproving glances of those around them if they commit a civic crime.

Some Indians would probably say that this is a typical NRI mindset – to criticize India and all things Indian. Maybe we are used to something different, something better. It is not wrong to want the same kind of development in the cities we grew up in. The problems still exist, in fact they are growing by the minute and the repercussions are great. Communicable diseases spread faster and take their toll on the weak. How many people know that jaundice, a serious liver disease, is caused by food or water that is infected with human excrement?

Surat reportedly cleaned up after the plague and is supposedly one of the cleanest cities in the country. What is it going to take to wake up a sleeping population regarding the ills of their surroundings? A plague?

"Crash Moments"

2006-03-19T12:09:00.000-08:00

This phrase adopted from the Oscar winner for Best Picture “Crash” is being used regularly to describe racial and cultural misunderstandings, discriminatory behavior and random occurrences. There has been a lot of news coverage as to whether the movie “Crash” deserved the award. If the movie were to comment about this, it would say “decide for yourself!”

Unlike other movies dealing with issues of race, sex, culture and violence, this is one movie that does not judge. Rather, it cleverly uses common stereotypes that people have and shows us their biases in an unflattering, yet ironic light. The movie left me disturbed with its realistic portrayal of common incidents which blow up into magnified issues. While it didn’t show any scenes regarding Indians, I kept thinking about what was left unsaid. To me, it seems to be just a matter of time before the clash of cultures involves Indians more and more in the United States.

Indians in the United States have become more prominent in the recent years. More and more Indian/South Asian faces appear in all fields of life – in television advertising, in the news media, in sciences (of course!), and in expected roles – cab drivers in New York City and motel owners across America. Added to that is the increase in media coverage centered on President Bush’s visit to India, combined with the fact that most Indians in the U.S. are shown as smart, successful, professionals.

The animosity is already there. Just look at the experiences of call-center workers in India. Among other things, they complain of verbal abuse from Americans, anxious about the jobs that Indians are supposedly stealing from them; they make fun of their accent and ridicule them about India. Isn’t it just a matter of time before their base fears spill over from call center workers to Indians that they see and interact with in their daily lives? How many people remember the incident of the Philadelphia radio show host who called an Indian call center pretending to order something for his daughter? During a live broadcast, the host proceeded to abuse the unsuspecting customer service representative and made several derogatory comments about Indians being “rat-eaters,” etc.

I remember getting a call the other day where I knew the caller was from India, from his accent. I politely refused his offer and asked him where he was from. They probably get that a lot these days from Americans. He responded with a question, asking if I was Indian, to which I said yes. He then told me he was from Pakistan. I laughed after I hung up. Obviously this call center worker had a list of responses to a question like mine. I wonder what he would have said if an American responder at the other end of the line had asked him that…

Some people would argue that this is a common stereotype from Americans who live in rural America, where they are not exposed to cultural melting pots like New York City or other urban centers like San Francisco or the Bay Area. That is probably true. Most Indians tend to migrate to cities where other Indians live, where the Indian community is strong, where Indian stores and temples exist, so an average American living in these cities would probably interact more with Indians than someone living in rural America. But the sheer force of our numbers in the world – what is it – that one in every five or six is an Indian, prompts concerns about the increasing occurrences of “Crash moments” related to Indians.

The reverse is also true. Whether it is our penchant for fair skin or our caste based values, Indians tend to be discriminatory both within their own community and outside. I’ve heard racist comments from wealthy Indians in the United States – the feeling of “ours” vs. “theirs,” with “theirs” referring to Americans is omnipresent in the usage of an average Indian family in the US. Rarely have I seen such instances spill out in public, but in gatherings among friends and community members, many will agree that we discriminate against African-Americans, Caucasians, Hispanics, Other Asian communities and among ourselves based on caste and language!

As Indians grow and flourish in the United States with multiple generations settling here, our problems spill over as well. Problems with gangs, domestic violence, substance abuse and illegal sales are among the many issues that law enforcement in the United States has to deal with. In those instances, stereotypes on both sides are either reinforced or dispelled.

I remember reading an article in the New York Times last year about cultural differences affecting a drug sting operation. The article talked about the cultural difficulty faced by law enforcement and Indian store owners related to the sale of items used to make an illegal drug “methamphetamine.” Apparently the store owners are prohibited from selling more than a few items of restricted substances to customers that are commonly used to make this drug. The store owners, apparently unaware of the use of these ingredients and limited in their understanding and use of English, were taken aback at the accusation of being involved in illegal drug sales. One example the article mentioned is the word “cook,” which to these store-owners meant “cooking food,” but the street term for “doing a cook” meant making the drug.

The innocence or culpability of these store owners is beyond the scope of this column, but the seriousness of the cultural differences is not. Whether the increased visibility of Indians in the U.S. will serve to create a greater understanding of the complexities and realities of Indian culture or whether it will limit people’s understanding to stereotypes remain to be seen. In the meantime, “Crash moments” continue…

"Little Power Trips"

2006-03-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

“Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely,” a rephrasing of Lord Acton’s quote, continues to resound in the minds of those who shake their heads in annoyance when they find that this maxim still holds true in their everyday lives.

I can see this being used to describe famous or rather infamous political or social, national or world leaders, but these days, the saying appears to be more apt in using it to describe the actions of your small to mid-level employee who has the power to put your life on hold. I call this “the power trips of people in mediocre positions” or, even better, “little power trips.”

You know who I’m talking about. This is the surly guy at the post-office who won’t give you your parcel because you lost the slip, but you showed your ID and sure enough, there is a parcel waiting for you in the back-room. Or, this could even be the lady who won’t process your maternity benefit claims because she can’t count and in the process denies you of your legally and validly accumulated pay.

I know what you are thinking – it doesn’t happen only in India, it happens in the U.S. also. I’m sure as a student, you remember running back and forth between the university and the college to make sure your degree paperwork was in order, or, if you travel frequently, you probably make a few trips to the passport office to take care of those little things. Things that are a pain to do, made even more so painful by the little people whose sole aim in life is to follow the rules and where it says sign on the dotted line, to make sure people don’t sign a millimeter outside of the dotted line.

If you were to see these people, they would probably run traffic lights, litter on the streets and would probably park illegally, but at their job, these people are the most conscientious workers ever. “The paperwork needs to be in order,” they tell you sternly. “Go back to the end of the line and fill it out correctly,” they say. All that may have been missing is an area where you may have forgotten to initial, but instead of pointing that out (that is not their job, you see) they send you to the end of the line to figure out why the paperwork was incorrect.

God forbid you question their authority – you will be blacklisted forever and will probably have to relegate yourself to the end of the line automatically, out of repentance for over stepping the line. I remember this passport office in Mumbai very clearly. He wouldn’t let me travel to the U.S. even though I have a green card, because my Indian passport did not have an “ECNR” stamp. Here I am, an Indian national, with an Indian passport, standing in Mumbai airport at 2:30 a.m., bleary-eyed, waiting to get onto the plane and sleep, not wanting to think about the family and friends I’m leaving behind before heading back to my automated lifestyle in the U.S. and this belligerent Indian Customs Official refuses to let me board a flight to my legal country of residence because of an “ECNR” stamp?

Wait – it gets better! What is an “ECNR” stamp you may ask? It stands for “Emigration Clearance Not Required” and apparently anyone leaving India should have this stamped in their passports. It may help to know that the U.S. doesn’t require it. The other option is that if you happen to have your degree certificate with you, just as a happenstance, wondering if you ever need it to impress your fellow bleary-eyed traveler in line, saying “look, I have a degree from Osmania University,” or if you feel the need to let someone else know that you are a graduate and happen to carry it in your back-pocket, then an “ECNR” is not required.

This is one of the many rules that I just don’t understand, but I’m not going to question it. I don’t want to be black-listed by the Indian Customs Department, especially by the little man who feels he cannot let me board my flight without it. If you get only one thing from this article, make sure as an Indian citizen, your passport is stamped at your local passport office with the stamp “ECNR.” There – that’s my good deed for the day.

Getting back to the point – I think psychologically, everyone wants to have power, or be the one who controls other. The politically correct version of this is called “leadership.” All jokes aside, this is something instinctual, a Darwinistic philosophy perhaps, but true. Look at little children playing – one of the kids will have the toy that everyone wants and will refuse to part with it as he or she is getting their first taste of power. Same thing as you grow older. Some people however, let go of it and decide to let the better part of their personalities take over. Others get into little positions of power and start wielding this over an unsuspecting citizenry.

So the next time someone is sending you to the back of the line because of a power trip, smile, shake your head and remember to get the “ECNR” stamp on your passport.

Confused Desis?

2006-02-22T16:05:00.000-08:00

Are we all confused Desi's in America, even though we are not American Born?

Apart from our skin and our unique Indian-English accent, what connects Indians in the U.S.? Not our native languages, obviously – they didn’t even connect us in India. Our aspirations? Not really - it’s every immigrant’s hope to make it big, to live the American Dream, not just ours.

What differentiates us then? To me, it’s the longing and the desire to transplant our current lifestyle in the U.S., into a surreal, similar life in India. We want to be Indians at heart, but still crave organized systems, infrastructure, a level playing field and comforts. Are these two cravings mutually exclusive? What else explains this strange Indian-ness that overcomes us when we move abroad? When I was in India, I listened to the latest English music hits, actively sought out the latest English movies and wanted to know and exhibit all the current fads in clothing and expression. I shied away from speaking Telugu or Hindi and spoke English whenever possible.

Now, I stand in line to see the latest Indian movie. I buy new releases in Hindi and Telugu music. I participate in Telugu Association events, Holi festivals and Dandia nights. I relish in speaking Telugu or Hindi every opportunity I get. Visiting relatives from India comment that we are more Indian than they are when they see children learning Bharatnatyam and Carnatic music; when they see seven year old boys play the tabla in community events and when they see teenage girls participate in Rangoli competitions with their mothers.

Yet, when we all wake up on Mondays, we’re off to school or work or busy in our lives, forgetting about our weekend reveries, our foray into our Indian-ness, and we become one in the stream of cars headed to downtown, one in the sea of back-packs headed to school, one in a very American way of life. Along with the same notes of praise among our visiting peers that we heard over weekend cultural activities, we also hear dissonance and fear during the week. We hear about the trauma of raising children of Indian origin here. “They are too American” is a complaint often heard in parenting circles. “So and so called the police on the grandparents,” echoes someone else. “Can you imagine? They said they would never come back to the U.S.” “Children need the stick as much as they need love,” others say.

How does one reconcile these issues? Apart from the show of solidarity at community and religious events, there is ample evidence of the ongoing identity crisis among Indians here. Are we Indians from India, or are we American, are we ABCD’s or Indian-American?

Added to this soul-searching, some Indian parents/groups in California are in the midst of a controversy about the representation of Indian history and culture in 6th grade text-books in the state. According to recent news report on Yahoo! and other news sites, some are claiming that there never was an Aryan invasion, others are trying to downplay the caste system and the divisive role it plays in modern-day India, while some others want to make the status of women in Ancient India politically correct, by stating they had “different duties” allocated to them, while the old version alluded to them being discriminated against.

Is this some kind of mistaken patriotism? An effort to clean-up the past and present a sanitized history that everyone can reminisce about and be nostalgic about? Children of Indian origin find it hard to understand why their parents rhapsodize about the “old days,” when they see India for themselves.

It’s extremely hard to reconcile our identity, value system and culture in a place that is so far removed from the origins and experiences that we grew up with. To me, it’s a work in progress. No one seems to have perfected a formula, yet every day, we see examples of well-adjusted Indians. So are we being successful in our integration with the American culture, or are we dividing ourselves up into an “us vs. them” category? Will our uniqueness stand the test of time or will it swallow us up into a stereotype? It appears to be seen.

Tipping and Desis

2006-01-18T19:26:00.000-08:00

Why are we such poor tippers?

Most Indians in America are poor tippers – please note that I used the word most, so if you are among the few that tip generously, consider yourself the exception or the minority. So, as I said – we tend to be poor tippers – why?

If I had to generalize it, I would say that most Indians (excluding ABCD’s) come to the U.S. as students or on work visas. So most students or employees, usually hard-pressed for money, calculating the cost of things in comparison to India, commenting on how expensive things are, usually try to save when it comes to tipping. Their rationale is that they paid for the meal – why should they tip? The waiter’s are getting paid for serving them, so shouldn’t that be enough? Not many people know that in a restaurant, waiters make minimum wage, sometimes less and that at the end of the day, tips are collected and divided among the wait-staff and kitchen employees. I don’t know how it works in India, but here, the wait-staff work for tips. They usually try to offer their best service, but sometimes their work load, their moods and perhaps even their stereotypes get the best of them and we see some sour-faced workers who more often than not transfer their angst to us and in the end we walk out justifying this sentiment to our poor tipping percentage.

In India, there is no standard percentage for tipping. If people leave Rs. 5 or Rs 10 for anywhere from a Rs. 150 – Rs. 500 meal, people are happy.
But in the U.S., tipping at restaurants is mandatory, especially if you are eating there. It doesn’t matter if the restaurant is a hole in a wall, it doesn’t matter if it is your neighborhood Chinese joint, nor does it matter if it is your local Indian chaat vala. I noticed that people tend to offer or rather feel obligated to cough up the dough when the restaurant looks fancy and server or waiters are dressed in the traditional black and white attire. But the minute that the savvy Indian recognizes that the restaurant or eatery is a little less than fancy, the rules of tipping change. Now, instead of the standard 15%, it becomes perhaps 2%, perhaps 5% or perhaps nothing, just like it used to be back home.

I remember this one instance when I went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch. I saw some friends heading out and I said hi, chatted a few minutes with them and asked to be seated. The owner of the restaurant, a sweet Chinese middle-aged lady came up to me and asked me in a surprised tone – “do you know those people?” Yes, I replied, they are my husband’s friends. Well, I don’t want to see them in my restaurant again she said. I was shocked as she was normally really nice. So I asked her what happened and she said that the couple had a full meal for lunch and that when it came time to pay the bill, they paid and left the change, which came up to .35 cents, as the tip. She was furious. I don’t want such people in my restaurant she said, throwing her hands up in the air.

I could read her thoughts – cheap Indian people, she was thinking. Is this the mentality of most immigrants, I wondered, or are we, as Indians, always trying to find the cheapest, fastest, way around things, as we typically do in India? It’s probably a bit of both, but remember this when you walk into a restaurant next – tipping the full 15% is good karma. Get used to this before the standard percentage goes up, as it has in some restaurants in New York City.

Globalization - Are we there yet?

2005-12-28T21:59:00.000-08:00

What is globalization? It's a big "G" word that means different things to different people. To some it means opportunity, to others it's a bad word that puts "their" people out of work and to some others, it means capitalism, akin to profit, akin to imperialism. How does one reconcile such different aspects of a phenomenon, a word, a feeling, a fear?

In South Bay, otherwise known as Silicon Valley, there is a strip of land where one would be hard-pressed to see a caucasian face at any intersection. This is the El Camino, between Remington and Lawrence. There are more desi restaurants than you can count on your fingertips - everything from Mangalorean/Keralite delicacies, to Punjabi Dhabas, from Andhra cuisine to Maharashtrian cuisine. One of these many restaurants is called Komala Vilas. It is set up like a tiffin room that one would typically find in Chennai, serving yummy tamilian vegetarian food in thalis. More often than not, you will hear Tamil, Telugu, Kannada, etc, along with all age-groups of desis slurping down sambar or buttermilk. You'll see streaks of curry running down a person's hand while a person walks leisurely to the wash basin to wash their hands after eating a full meal. The smell of spices lingers in your clothes and hands long after you leave Komala.

What does this have to do with globalization you may ask? Globalization to me is what you see in Komala. The waitstaff at Komala are primarily Hispanics. In their Spanish accents, they ask you if you want "rasam" or "more kolumbu" or "sadam" or "tanni." At first, I was shocked to hear Tamil coming out of a seemingly Hispanic person. They were learning the language. They knew more Tamil than I did and asked if I wanted "papadam" or "thair." Granted, it wasn't fluent Tamil, but put them in a purely Tamil speaking restaurant in Chennai and they will order with more ease than a non-Tamilian. To me, this is globalization.

In Raleigh, North Carolina, Mr. Nagi Reddy runs a couple of Indian restaurants. He has a South Indian restaurant called "Udupi," not to be confused with a similar one in Sunnyvale, CA, as well as a Hyderabadi/Andhra style one. On an average weekend, his South Indian restaurant, which serves buffet-style South Indian vegetarian food, is filled with caucasians. Yes, there are plenty of Indians as well - your varieties of "mamis" and "appas," as well as your wannabes and your FOB's. To see them line up for South Indian delicacies - upma, avial, beans poriyal - would remind you of a lesson in diversity - to me, this is globalization.

As I write this, I'm interrupted by a phone call. "I'm Stephanie," she says, in a decidedly Indian accent, "as a valued card member, we are offering you a 3% interest rate on balance transfers." I smile as I say I'm not interested in her offer. She hangs up politely. I remember the early days when I would be badgered for not signing up because I was Indian too. Now, the same Indian call center worker deliberately mispronounces my name in order to sound like an American. To me, this is globalization...

India vs. the US

2005-12-15T21:24:00.000-08:00

Why do people feel better by making comparisons? What compels us to always compare and contrast, from our personalities to our assets, to what we have and what we don't have, to what we drive, where we live, etc. I understand that at a basic level it makes us feel better, gives us aspirations, vision, growth or impetus to grow - but this happens at a human level. What about when it happens on a national level? Do we derive our identity as Indians by comparing ourselves with Americans? Do we develop or increase our patriotism by comparing and contrasting our countries? Then why is there a constant stream of comparisons about India and the US?

A group from India was recently here (in the US) for the first time. The majority of what I heard from them was: In India we now have electric cables underground, unlike the U.S.; in India, we know more about the U.S. than the average American knows about India; in India, in India, in India. You get the drift...

I'm sure it's a very natural thing to do - you compare facts about a new country with the country you've always known. That's not the issue - the issue is with Indians who compare India to America and act like the result of that comparison somehow makes India more superior and America less so. One striking example - the email that I'm sure most Indians in California or the US received a few weeks after Hurricane Katrina, comparing the Mumbai floods to New Orleans. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it said something like in Mumbai, we had x feet of water, in New Orleans, they had y. In India, x number of people died, in New Orleans y. In India, the Army responded in x hours/days, in New Orleans, y, etc.

Most people don't realize though that the floods in Mumbai, while the ostensible reason was the inordinate amount of rain caused them, an equal causative factor, if not superior, was the lack of civic infrastructure, properly maintained drains, etc that caused the most havoc. In New Orleans, the levees burst, the lake flooded into the city and other areas - does that sound like a KEY difference to our patriotic desis?

While I'm not condoning the delayed response in New Orleans or other issues, it's not like we don't have our problems, but, somehow, sending patriotic emails like this and others - oh! the greatness of the Indian civilization email is another great example - somehow makes us seem shallow.

Most people in India think that America is this hole of decadence, this cess-pit of vice and sin - why? Because they've seen movies and television shows of hot looking men and women who more often than not make out, along with clothes that reveal more than they conceal, this is why the US has no culture, no morals. Another comparison to make us feel better.

Does anyone care to find out what the culture of the US is? What people's values and morals are? Obviously, amidst the growing wave of conservatism in this country, it is not, I repeat, NOT as people stereotype it to be. Freedom of options, choice, action perhaps bring out the worst in people, but give me this freedom anyday compared to a stuffy sense of morality, hypocrisy, double standards and the ancient, sexist culture that India has.
Both countries have their challenges, both countries have their differences and yes, some commanilities as well (few and far between), but as Confucious says, walk a mile in a person's shoes before casting a stone at them - I don't see why this doesn't work when we make generalizations about countries too.